The Person You Are, The Person You Become
by Kagaya Daydreams
Summary: "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Keith manages to say before his own wavering voice betrays him, "Don't be strong now, you're safe here." (Also available on AO3)


"Can I tell you something?" Shiro says quietly.

Keith's hands grip Shiro's shirt tighter, but doesn't hesitate.

"Anything."

He's been waiting for this moment. Since landing on Earth, time moves slower. After all that has happened, Team Voltron has found time to breathe easier. There's still a lot of things unspoken, but they're taking it slow. Their wounds need to heal. Physical, mental, emotional wounds that all close at different speeds.

Shiro, however, has mainly focused on the physical part of healing. For the first few weeks, he mostly slept. When he was awake, his mobility was limited. He didn't talk much, just quietly enjoyed the company of the others. Yet, Keith could see that he was masking deep pain. Though he didn't know how unstable Shiro actually was. Nor did he know how to approach it without stirring unwanted memories.

It pained him to see the conflict brewing on Shiro's face when he mentally checked out, because it was obvious that his mind didn't go anywhere positive. Nonetheless, Keith promised himself that he wouldn't force anything out of Shiro. He'd let him ask questions first.

So now, away from everyone else, with only the midnight sky watching, Keith is ready to listen. Shiro is nestled between Keith's legs, his back against Keith's chest. Keith's arms hang loosely around Shiro's shoulders.

"You can tell me anything." Keith reiterates.

"I was so scared, Keith." Shiro begins.

"When?" Keith coaxes.

Shiro lets out a humorless laugh, "When wasn't I?"

He lifts his hand and counts off his fears. Unfortunately, they quickly surpass the number of fingers the two of them have combined. They all tear at Keith's heart in the worst way, but he's sure Shiro's feeling much worse. Especially since at the end of the day, the burden is his alone to bear. All Keith can do at the moment is be there and listen.

 _Kerberos._

 _Being a paladin._

 _The astral plane._

 _Dying._

Shiro goes silent again. Keith puts his chin on top of Shiro's head and holds him a little tighter. Solid physical contact helps pull Shiro out of his mental fog and he takes a deep breath. As long as Keith's known him, Shiro never talked about things that bothered him unless he had a way to solve it. That method only worked at the Garrison. Simulators paled in comparison to actual combat, which had genuine, lasting consequences. You don't get the luxury of correction, the safety of bailing when things get too tough. There are no textbooks to prepare for an intergalactic war.

Shiro's calm enough to continue, "Do you know what it's like...knowing you're gonna die and then don't?"

Keith immediately thinks back to the time he almost sacrificed himself for the sake of the universe. A cold chill winds down his spine as he remembers how quiet everything went once he made the decision to speed into oblivion, and the adrenaline that flooded him when he realized it didn't happen. He hadn't told Shiro about that...and he doesn't plan to.

"No." Keith replies. "I can't imagine it."

"It's a relief...at first, but then you start questioning— start wondering...why." Shiro looks up at the night sky, "The universe and all dimensions are infinite. So what reason does it have to preserve a blip in hist—"

"Shiro, you can't think like that." Keith interjects quickly, "You can't."

"I know," he says solemnly, "I just don't understand it."

"Understand that I won't let you die," Keith promises, "I'll go before you do."

"Who's being fatalistic now?" Shiro laughs with a little warmth in voice, "Value your life little more will you?"

"Hypocrite," Keith mumbles and pinches Shiro's cheek. "And I'm not being fatalistic, I'm serious."

"You'll defy the universe just to save me?"

"Without question."

Shiro smiles at the sentiment, "I believe it. You're stubborn."

Keith nods as best as he can with his chin still on top of Shiro's. Silence fills the space once more. Shiro is less tense in Keith's arms, but he knows that his mind is still reeling. Still trying to make sense of it all.

"I've merged my conscience with the clone's. It filled a lot of gaps from when I was in the astral plane, but the past overlapped."

Now it was Keith's turn to tense up. Until now, Keith treated them like two separate entities. The clone perished during their fight, and Shiro took his place. That's how he rationalized it.

"Then you know everything?"

Shiro bowed his head, "I hurt you..."

"No—"

"...and said something unforgivable..."

"Shiro it wasn't you—"

"It _was_ , Keith. Up until Haggar took control. His thoughts and actions mirror the choices I would've made. This body hurt you." He raises his arm and clenches it into a fist. Keith moves from behind Shiro and straddles his lap. He cups Shiro's cheeks and forces Shiro to look him in the eye.

"Don't blame yourself for things you can't control!" Keith's eyes are glossy with tears threatening to spill. Whether it's from Shiro's baseless guilt or the memories from their fight he doesn't know, but it surprises Shiro to see it up close.

"God, that's the face." Shiro whispers. He leans forward and buries his face in Keith's chest. His fingers curl into the front of Keith's shirt. The sight burned into his retinas a second time. The complex look of hurt, fear, and deep admiration. Shiro doesn't want to be the cause of that again. "I'm so sorry that I was so weak."

"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you _have_." Keith manages to say before his own wavering voice betrays him, "Don't be strong now, you're safe here."

Shiro can feel himself crumbling. It was one thing to see it through the eyes of the clone, but it's another thing to add it to his own mountain of memories. All of a sudden he feels so tired. Tired of keeping it together for the sake of normalcy. Tired of feeling despair and hopelessness come and go like the unwanted visitors they are. His chest seizes, a guttural sob ripping through him. It's been so long since he cried. As a Galra prisoner he didn't have time to. In the astral plane, he couldn't even if he wanted to.

Keith holds him through it, rocking him slowly, running his fingers through snow white hair. There are moments where Shiro nearly knocks him over, but Keith stays firm.

It felt nice to cry with him. To hold him close and be there for him. Shiro's never cried in front of Keith. _Never_. Among other things, this will be a part of him that only Keith will see. Keith protects this moment. Shiro's less guarded than he, but what he keeps to himself no one can reach unless he lets them.

He decides to accept, the guilt, the apology. If it brings Shiro the catharsis he needs, Keith will take it. What he won't allow however, is Shiro's self-deprecation.

"You've gone through so much, _accomplished_ so much. You survived because you're strong. I saved you because I knew you'd be there waiting for me. Every time," Keith's own words bring a fresh wave of tears and he chokes up.

Shiro tries to comfort him and Keith shakes his head, "Don't worry about me right now."

They sit there holding each other for an indefinite amount of time, until they're completely exhausted. Shiro feels lighter than usual, but his face is a mess. Keith comments on how red Shiro's eyes are. Shiro is quick to do the same.

Keith points to his shirt, "I'm covered in snot."

Shiro smiles and brings their foreheads together, "Sorry about that. A small, but necessary casualty."

"Feeling better?" Keith says.

Shiro hums as he traces Keith's scar mournfully, "Getting there."

Keith leans into the touch, "It doesn't hurt anymore, y'know."

"That's good, I did a number on you." Shiro says. He takes his hand away, accidentally brushing a finger against Keith's lips. Both of them took in a sharp breath at the gesture. The shift was electric and Keith's eyes flickered to Shiro's lips. Pink dusted Keith's cheeks.

"Before we fell…" Keith began. He stopped and took a deep breath, "I told you something important."

Shiro inclines his head ever so slightly, absently tangling their contrasting bangs together, "Did you? I don't remember."

Keith ducks his head in embarrassed irritation, "You're such a liar."

"Tell me again."

"What? N-no way," Keith stammers, "I— no. You _know_ what I said."

Shiro leans in and presses his lips against Keith's. His hand slides up Keith's back and into his hair, carding the soft black hair at the base of his neck. Keith shivers at the tenderness of the gesture, causing his lips to part slightly. Shiro takes this opportunity to slot their lips together in a more sensual gesture. This time Keith reciprocates, following Shiro's lead as he lies on his back. They kiss until they're breathless. Until time slows down and the world around them vanishes. Keith pulls back with breathy laughter and Shiro follows him to kiss him soundly.

"I love you, Keith," Shiro says adoringly, "I love you so much I can't stand it. My heart belongs to you...if you'll have it."

If Keith wasn't out of tears, he's sure they'd be back for another round. Instead, he smiles so sweetly at Shiro's words, all Shiro can do is look on in surprise. A vague mix of euphoria and other overwhelming emotions that Keith can't name threaten to spill from every pore of his body.

"Takashi," Keith laughs.

"Y-yes?" It's rare for anyone to call him that, but the way Keith says it makes Shiro want to kiss him senseless all over again.

"Takashi Shirogane," Keith kisses him again, "You're such a romantic."

"I'll protect you with my life."

"It's getting worse."

"Keith," Shiro's voice is stern, but not angry, "I need you to understand that I will always be there for you."

Keith frowns, "I know that. You made a promise to me."

Shiro nods, "Good...should we head back?"

Keith gives him an incredulous look. If they were to stagger all the way back to the others in the state they're in, they'd definitely ask question that both Keith and Shiro are too tired to answer. Keith is also very content to settle against Shiro's chest. It's been too long since either of them watched space from afar.

"Let's stay here for tonight, the weather's nice," Keith answers. Shiro nods in agreement and they watch sparse clouds drift by.

" _It'll rain tomorrow,"_ Shiro mentally notes, but he decides to cross that bridge when he gets to it. Keith is already asleep by the time Shiro's starts drifting off. For the first time in a while, he feels that his rest will be a little more peaceful. He kisses Keith's forehead before he closes his eyes for the night.

"...love you, Takashi." Keith mumbles sleepily.

Shiro's eyes snap open and he mentally kicks himself. After hearing that, he'll have to wait a little longer before he can doze off.


End file.
